My spiritual journey is an hourly resistance to what I am meant to do. Giving it all over to God is one of the hardest things I do each day, and I was raised in the Church of the Nazarene. This church, although restrictive, teaches what God expects every day. Every Sunday taught tithing, salvation and sanctification. I was drown in the knowledge of God's demands. This experience was not a negative one. I was loved and nurtured by everyone with whom I was surrounded. My grandparents on both sides were Nazarenes, and my paternal grandparents help start Dallas First Church. So I was well versed in the ways of the Bible and the church. I appreciated I learned to tithe at a young age. My mother would give me 10 dimes for my allowance and as she picked up one of them would ask, “Where does this one go?” At first, I thought it was a lot to give, one thin dime, but as I grew to have more than a dime to give, it was easier to make sure that 10% went to God.
Now it was a lot harder to give me over to God. I knew the rules, and what to say to have everyone think I was where I needed to be. I joined the choir from a young age, and participated in all the youth and teen activities. However, it was during a teen choir tour that my life changed. As was usual, we gathered around the altar and began to pray. During this time, a voice I believed to be God began to have a conversation with another voice which was clearly not the voice of God. I do not remember the words that were exchanged, except that they were arguing about to whom I belonged. At the end of the experience, I fell back and when I opened my eyes, the entire teen choir, and its leaders, were standing around and looking at me. I had apparently been speaking audibly, and although, I don't believe anyone understood what was being said, I was told that there were two different voices. This only confirmed that I was slowly going insane.
Starting that day, I began hearing, seeing and knowing things that were not apparent to others. I would feel the presence of spirits. To say the least, I retreated deep into myself. I pushed all the 'nonsense' into the background. My focus became family and friends. I married in 1981, had two sons (1983 & 1985) and divorced in 1990. During that time, I found myself talking about spirituality, but I kept it at arms length. Following my divorce, I moved back in with my parents with my two sons. It was a difficult adjustment, but all five of us grew as a family.
Begin back with my parents, the boys and I began going back to church. I joined the choir, and the boys got involved with children's church events. Within a couple of months, I was fully integrated back into church. On March 30, 1991, I began to hear the voice again. I was sitting in the second from the last row and it spoke very clearly, and only once. “You no longer smoke.” As a medium-to-light smoker, I had always 'planned' on stopping, but it was never the right time. I left the church that day with no craving, no nervous ticks, no hysteria, and even lost 20 pounds in the process.
In February 1992, my big breakthrough happened. “Living with my parents, there is nothing more stressful than being an adult in your parent's home. My parent's were loving and giving, and I resisted it all because my being there meant I was a failure. My one escape from what seemed my prison at the time was my weekly walks on the path near the house. My parents gave me this time to recharge and reconnect.
On February 9th, I found myself very angry. I had just had an argument with my father and was desperately looking satisfaction. I was broke, depressed, angry, frustrated and near the end of my rope. As I left the house for my weekly walk, I looked forward to seeing my regulars on the path. As I began the walk, something felt very different. Not one of my regulars was on the path. Being alone, my agitation grew to the point that I began to speak audibly. I was cursing my life, kids, parents, and, most of all, God. I began to play the 'blame game.' I was blaming God for everything. I got bold and began asking questions.
Of course, I got no answers, so my frustration grew from grumbles to full-out screaming. At one moment, I stopped and screamed to the heavens, “Why won't you answer me?”
Like a scene in a movie, the trees fell silent, the insects lay quiet as my body grew rigid. My eyes focused on the clouds moving slowly from left to right. At that moment, my mouth opened and a voice, clearly not mine, said, “And what would you have Me say?”
To say the least, I was speechless. I didn't know what I wished God to say, so I said nothing. I spent several moments living in the moment. I felt who I was for the first time. That moment changed my life forever.
Now, I didn't immediately run out and begin doing what I was meant to do, but I began taking my journey slowly, surrounding myself with like-minded individuals. Over time, I allowed my gifts to expand and as God provided me with opportunities, I began to share them with others, expanding his or her experience.
In July 2008, I was coaching a client who was disillusioned and upset around having a major disappointment. I told her to look deep into herself and declare who she is in her life and for others. I gave her an example of what I needed from her, and I found out who I am is the Voice of God. This does not mean I speak for God. It means the part of me that is God-like needs to be present in all I say and do.
I believe life is nothing but a series of choices, and it is the choices we make that create the life we live. You have many choices ahead of you. Should you choose to explore what might be possible for you in experiencing what I have to offer, then I welcome you as whole, perfect and complete. If you do not see this as something you wish to explore, I wish you well and a life full of extreme happiness and joy.
Copyright © 2024 Kyle Sutton - All Rights Reserved.
Powered by GoDaddy
We use cookies to analyze website traffic and optimize your website experience. By accepting our use of cookies, your data will be aggregated with all other user data.